This is going to be a an honest post about a major issue in my life. I've already spoken to so many of you about it, so why not just type it up already?
Teaching and mothering and writing are sometimes beautifully interwoven and connected. The ideas and dreams of one endeavor inspire progress and creativity in another. It would be unfair to say that I never notice this symbiosis. I'm truly grateful for it.
But then... each passion can also drain and deplete another. Each commitment can be a great and endless source of guilt. At least for me. So how do I make sense of giving myself to all three passions? How do I find balance?
I don't. I try not to over-analyze. (But I do anyway.) I spend my time where I can, when I can. And do the best job I'm able. But every now and then I feel that shiver of fear that I'm "doing it wrong". That I should be whole-heartedly mothering with more of my time. That I should quit my job and be a "real" writer. That I should stop fiddling about with my hobby, and be more committed to my students' needs. That I am wasting my life being too tired all the time. I should give something up so that I can be more alive and awake. Clearly, I won't give up my family.. so it has to be one of the other two.
These "shoulds" have no power over my rational mind, but they spook the hell out of me when I am not being rational. I know I can't have it all. I know I can't be an awesome mother, phenomenal teacher, and prolific, brilliant writer all at the same time. As for well-rested, who ever heard of such a thing?
I know tons of parents and educators have struggled with and already written about these same issues, so I'm not alone. Just adding my vote for more hours in the day. And more time to write... to love... to share...